“10 Uncool Things/Lessons about Twins”

[Please read as if it’s Spoken Word Poetry]

[P.S., I made my debut as poet with this poem in Toastmasters]

  1. Yes, I have a twin. Her name is S___. No, we do not look alike. Contrary to popular belief, we’re not a 9 headed hydra. One head does not need to go where the other eight are going. We are two different people. We can have different likes and dislikes. Is it so hard to ask for a birthday present and not already know what I’m getting? Just because you get me a gift in a different color than my twin, does not make it a different gift.
  2. Being a twin means, you never quiet learn responsibility. Ever since we were little, S and I would go to school together. Two people would go to school. Two backpacks would go to school. Two people would come home. Two backpacks would come home. One day S was sick and I had to go school by myself. I forgot to bring my backpack home and didn’t even think about it until it was time to go to school the next day.
  3. You never quite know how to make friends. I don’t understand why are people not coming up to me and saying, “hey, you’re S’s twin. She’s really cool. We should totally hang out.” Apparently, when you’re away from your twin, it’s your responsibility to go up to people and say, “Hey, my name is F.” and start the conversation. Where is the justice in this?
  4. It’s always surprising to me whenever I check my bank statement. Whoa! I have money? When you’re not feeding two people and you’re so used to budgeting for two people, it’s amusing to have money left over when it’s just you. Yay! I can go into any fancy restaurant and don’t have to pay for two people. Awesome!
  5. Being a twin means, you’re used to hearing nice things about yourself. People always say, “Oh my gosh, you’re totally the nice twin.” Of course, I am. Now, when I’m away from my twin, my friends tell me, “Gosh, you’re really bossy.” You wouldn’t be saying that if my twin was here. Instead, you’d be saying, “wow, evil twins do exist!”
  6. Having a twin means that there’s always someone constantly pushing you to do your best. My twin wanted to join a club in high school and I didn’t. I’m not a fan of people so her solution? You can just stay out and not participate while I go attend the meetings. Our parents agreed because why would they come pick us up from school twice? Uh,…, no. And that’s how she became the president of the Club and I became the vice president. It’s been years since that happened and even now, I’m forced to be in leadership positions. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned to accept the fate my twin has forced me into.
  7. Having a twin also means that someone will always kill all your bugs for you. I mean, who else will call you on your 22nd birthday, yelling at the top of their lungs in a frantic voice. “F., there’s someone at the house?” “Who? I can’t make out all the words. Calm down. Do I need to call the cops?” S: “incomprehensibly speaking.” I finally make out what’s being said and it’s “there’s a cockroach in my bathroom. Come kill it.” Seriously? I’m supposed to make a 6 hour drive to come kill a bug for you? Great!
  8. Having a twin also means that you always have a study buddy. You have a tutor day in and out. You always have someone who will remind you when the finals are and what utensils you need to take for an exam. Otherwise, you might just walk into a standardized exam with a mechanical pencil instead of a #2 pencil. Then, you’re left standing there, looking like an idiot and hoping someone will lend you one. I strongly believe that twins guarantee that won’t happen as it never did before I was away from her. Fun times!
  9. Having a twin also means people always put the two of you together. You never have to worry about having to be the fob or the American. You can just be one or the other; you don’t necessarily need to choose and can be whatever makes you comfortable. People always see you as one complete person. Now that I’m away from my twin, I’m learning that it’s me. I’m the fob. Oh, well! Get over it. I’m still working on it but the rest of you need to get over it!
  10. Having a twin also means there’s someone to tell you what is and is not cool. When everyone at the lunch table is talking about how cool Breaking Bad is or asking if I’ve seen Orange is the New Black? It’s the twin’s duty to remind me that it’s not cool to open my mouth and say, no, I really just watch Phineas and Ferb. Yup, that happened. Really though, the uncoolest thing about a twin and the most important lesson I’m learning while being away from my twin is, you’re never quiet a complete person without them.