“Unexpected Guests”

Upon seeing strangers in my house having cake

I’d walk out and make sure I’m in the right place

I’d call the cops asap and tell them there’s trespassers

I’d wait in my car with the gear in drive, flashing the blinkers

At least, I’ll be alive at the end of the day

Or

Upon seeing strangers in my house having cake

I’d inquire about their names to see if they’re fake

I’d introduce myself and question them about what they’re doing here

Depending on the answer, I’ll determine if they need to disappear

We’d talk more about them and ask how I may can help them today

Or

Upon seeing strangers in my house having cake

I’d start screaming FIRE on the top of my lungs, trying not to jump in the lake

You know like you’re supposed to yell if you’re being raped

These strangers could be axe murderers or felons who’ve escaped

How would I know? Avoidance might be the right way

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